Kyle’s Blog

After going here there and everywhere with friends, this weekend was slamming on the brakes. I haven’t done much but sit at home thinking about leaving in a week. Instead of all this getting to me a long time ago, or even very abruptly… it’s creeping upon me day by day making me more and more nervous. The whole experience is something I’ve come to accept, but also be quite nervous about it. Naturally with any transfer to any unit there’s that nervousness and anxiety of qualifying and helping out your crew as much as possible, but going into a war zone adds a whole different spectrum of nervousness. It’s not like ooooh I’m scared of what I’m getting into… more of like the pre-game gitters, just have to warm up and get into it and I’ll be fine.

There isn’t much else planned for my California stay. I’m going to see a movie with my friend Garrett on Tuesday and my going away party is on Friday. I’d like to think there would be a ton of kids out to wish me goodbye, but I don’t get my hopes up for things like that. I’m going to be selfish for once in my life and say “goddamnit why won’t somebody throw me a surprise party.” I requested that my friends set up a party for me when I was home and that never got done. Go figure that my brother and his wife went and offered up their place for me on Friday, I love ‘em.

So I’ll continue on with my lazy beer guzzling weekend listening to sappy olde tyme country music on my laptop.

It’s only been a day since Ashley left and I’ve slipped right into a sorry sack of shit. I sleep in late with not a lot to look forward to (one can’t really enjoy activities like Disneylad by himself) and wait for a phone call from a friend. Yeah, I know it sounds like a pathetic pity party, but dang do I miss having someone to do things with. Quite frankly my life would be a lot better if I could just figure out how to hook my damn Xbox 360 up to the family tv. If killing bad guys in foreign countries with “pimped out” guns doesn’t make me feel better… I honestly don’t know what will 

On a side note WordPress has totally changed their blog layout and I can’t figure out how to insert pictures into my blog the right way. With the amount of barleywine I’ve consumed tonight I’m absolutely furious about this. Fuck you wordpress… the world would be a lot better place if everyone stuck to the slogan “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

I leave you with those words of wisdom.

I’m long overdue for this, the last week was chocked full of events.

Most notably (for me anyway) was saying goodbye to my dear friend Ashley. Having worked through a lot of issues, fights, and getting to know each other our attraction to adventure brought us back together over and over. After driving down to California with her and spending a week with me she got on a plane last night back to Seattle. The one week we had down here was a lot of fun, and in showing her my favorite places here, my friends, and places to eat, I got a very nice refresher on how much my state has changed. The goodbye was rough, but it had to happen. I’ll be going to the middle east for one year and shortly thereafter she’ll be leaving for Africa for the Peace Corps… and yes we’re both aware at how ironic we are together. So potentially there will be a three year absence between us and that really affected her. For me, coming and going has become a part of life in the military so it’s a lot easier. I’ll miss her.

The leave in California continues, only now without Ashley, I find myself doing a lot less. She was motivation to get out and show her where I grew up. Now it just seems like I’m waiting for ALL of my friends to get off work so we can hang out. Leave has been good, really good and my beard is coming along nicely.

The impending deployment to Bahrain still hasn’t hit me yet. Obviously I know I’m going, there’s no denying that, I guess it’s the holy shit you’re going headfirst to the unknown is what has yet to hit me. I know it’s coming and I know I’m going to be asking myself at one point or another “what the hell did I sign up for?”. I remind those who don’t know me that it’s not for a political or moral reason, I believe in my mission, it’s sweating my ass off in a foreign country as a pale white kid I question (and a few other things).

Nothing else is really set in stone for the rest of the time in California, but I’m sure I’ll manage something else besides going over to friend’s houses and drinking. I’ve already gone on an overnighter in the desert, shot guns and drank beer. What to do, what to do?

Leaving California is something I’ve done over and over and all my friends are used to it, and I don’t think it will be much different. Leaving Washington is getting harder with the passing of time. I’ve made so many good friends, co workers, and love this area so much it’s really hard to let go.

I did my check out interview with my commanding officer and said just about everything that was ever on my mind about the unit, his command, and his superiors who run the DOG (deployable operations group). I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty of the conversation, but I told him to his face that I would never come work for him again. I told him that he has a complete lack of respect and trust for his people and his fickle attitude towards this unit is something I cannot trust. That among other things were discussed/ dumped on him which was nerve racking and satisfying all at the same time.

I got my travel claim money from my trip to VA and I’m rich bitch! Well… not rich… but thankful that I actually have money for my trip back to CA.

My last day in Seattle will be Monday. I’m going to my goodbye lunch with the guys from the team at Mama’s at 1pm on Monday then we’re hitting the road to CA. The idea is to get there on Wednesday afternoon/early evening.

I initially started this blog at like 11am, but just came back to it at 6pm and have no idea where I was going with it.

I returned to Seattle after much complications in the form of flight delays a day late. I had every intention of seeing the Black Keys last Saturday night, heck I even went to the show, lasted about 10minutes and went back home to some of the best sleep I’ve had in a long time. I feel much like I would on leave, not a lot of time to say hello and/or goodbye to everyone before I head back to California. The unit is on a re callable status so none of them can drink, which means no real goodbye party for me unless it’s with Hawaiian punch and cake… and those parties aren’t much of a party at all. My official last day is Friday, but I get my farewell recognition tomorrow and I have very few words for anybody, but the guys I worked directly with.

The last few days in Seattle have been very surreal for me. I’m in a haze of sorts examining all the things I’ve seen before a bit more intimately perhaps trying to keep as much of this place as I can in my memory. I’m in disbelief that I’ve been here for three years, and as much as I thought I was ready to go, I was really just getting settled in.

I’m planning on heading back to California sometime next week in my truck with Ashley. She will be staying with me down there for a week or so then flying back up to Seattle.

I feel scatterbrained and uneasy with the whole situation before I leave. I hate when people make a big deal about me leaving, and I know it’s going to be 10 times worse just for the fact that I’m going to the middle east. My sleep isn’t getting messed up or anything, aside from feeling tired earlier due to operating on east coast time for the last 10 weeks. I don’t know how to explain it, I’m just not ready to let go of my life up here, which is the exact opposite about how I felt about my last unit. I’m not just talking about work either, I love the Pacific Northwest and there’s so much stuff I have yet to do up here. I’m disappointed, sad, filled with anxiety, and I honestly don’t know what the other emotions are… it’s like nothing I’ve really ever felt before, I just know it’s not horrible… but it certainly isn’t wonderful.

Pending blog… seriously. Just overwhelmed about being back in Seattle and there’s a lot on my plate.