Filed under: Life
I have to say it feels pretty good to realize that I have only 4 1/2 weeks left in Florida. It seems like I’ve been here forever, and really when you think about it… October was a hell of a long time ago. It’s strange that summer surfing and BBQ’n back in San Diego feels like something that just happened yesterday, but diving SCUBA as opposed to the hat (KM37) feels like an eternity. I’m looking forward to the drive back home, I think I’ll head North for a day or so to Savannah to visit an old friend I haven’t seen in ages, and make my way back west. Once back the oh-so-fun task of apartment hunting will begin. I really want a nice place by the beach, and by nice I mean small, and just near the beach in North San Diego far far faaaaaar away from anyplace that resembles a “downtown area”.
I’m looking forward to being back home, and getting settled in. I’m getting excited to see one of my closest friends get married, watch my goddaughter come into this world, and take some leave in March to Seattle. Hopefully I can get on a diver deployment to Hawaii within the year hoping it will quell my international travel desires until I save some more cash.
Need to get back out paddlin’ and surfing to get that “balance” back. I need some release, although I’ll admit my Friday night helped, and no I’m not amplifying.
Time to get up, have some coffee, and get ready for this Superbowl thing.
Filed under: Life
And by that I mean a really really good surf session, after beers and good friends. I need it more than anything right now.
I’m having a rough time folks. One can be as successful as they can in their career, seem not so troubled, hard worker, all that, but as anyone could tell you… it’s what’s on the inside that’s important. I started this blog… rather I blog to be honest with myself. While I won’t deny that it may please me that people actually have concern with my life by reading what I have to say. It’s very troubling that I no longer have anyone in my life to share everything I ever think about. I have been truly blessed with a “feast of friends” from so many different perspectives and view points, Nick’s positive and maintained faith in the human race, John’s movie critiques, Steven’s artistry, Ashley’s faith, Matt’s confidence, My sister’s Sarah’s drive, Garrett’s rambling spirit, perhaps worse than mine… and the list goes on. Sorry I can’t talk about everyone of you, know that I think about all of you very very fondly.
I’m hurtin’ folks. Strangely I don’t feel as connected to a breakup or what have you than I have in the past. It’s just been this all around relation inefficiency. Hey listen the fuck up everyone. I am a movie snob, I like Star Trek, video games, hiking, camping, beer… a lot of craft beers… beeeeers, shootin’ guns, graphic novels, music… big time music, surfing, alternative porn… yeah some might say I’m a normal dude, but frankly I’m tired of playing the games. I’m 26 and I’m ready to find a nice lady… and no I didn’t say marriage, I’m just saying that I’m in it to win it. I’m not into one nighters… never really have been unless they fell into my lap… connection… connection is what is needed folks. AHEM! Tired of playing games, I hate dating games, but I do like games like ultimate frisbee, mini golf, occasional bowling, baseball and hockey games. I hate playing games with young pretty ladies that don’t know what the hell they want. I despise ladies who are afraid to say what they want, afraid to dance, afraid to say what’s on their mind, and avoid their way around what they really want… JUST FUCKING SAY WHAT YOU MEAN YOU COWARD! SAY IT! SADIE HAWKINS THAT SHIT! Sadie, you’re my hero, I have no idea how that actual dance ever came to be, but I can only assume that you took the man’s role and asked a fella to dance, and well done! Well done girl! You did what so many have been CONDITIONED not to do! Well done! If I knew where your grave was I would lay some roses on the way back to San Diego on my way back from Florida in March.
Tired of playing the game folks… very very tired. Tired of cowardly women. Tired of finishing last.
Filed under: Life
I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t plagued with feelings of the girl I thought was going to be the one for a while, if not for a longer time than that. As I get older, or maybe it’s just this particular situation I feel I bit more calloused dealing with the defeat of a relationship. Either way it’s not that bad, but it’s kinda bad, perhaps that combined with the subsequent defeat with a few local Panama City women I’ve attempted to pursue. Late 2009 into early 2010 has been a drought of women for me, and this is my pitty party, welcome.
Enter 13 Floor Elevators “You’re Gonna Miss Me” off the High Fidelity soundtrack.
I’m just going to go ahead and get everything off my chest with questions aimed towards space (the final frontier). What spawned your seeming indifference to me and you? I’m still completely hung up on you and I don’t understand why you’re not the same. Seriously, what the hell happened? I never really ever wanted much more than you. Let’s be honest as a man here being genetically wired to sow their seed, and for a man to have the discipline to hold himself to just one… arguably happily… that’s something… and that’s something I had for you. I don’t deserve even a phone call? An explanation as to why this is going on? What was I supposed to do? Continue to look like an asshole waiting for you? This situation depresses me, and if it wasn’t for me on the cusp of becoming a diver, looking forward to deployments, and having an all around good time with all my diver brothers… I’d probably be pretty miserable. By the by I hate the fact that you’re doing that to me, and not to pass the buck, but I did… well lets be honest again… still like you that much.
So there all that bullshit is. I’m done talking about it.
Filed under: Life
I’m pretty disappointed in what this leave had for me. I already didn’t care for the fact that I came back to my home state and saw all the guys from the dive locker and hadn’t made it all the way through school. I don’t care for the fact that unlike in Seattle where I have a great group of friends who (the key point) aren’t married and I don’t have to work around family time to get ‘em to come out. I’m pretty upset that I was pretty hung up on woman who’s acting like a girl and who is older than I am. I’m pretty damn upset that it formulated into a complete waste of time by no actions of my own for once, and I’m doing a poor job of trying my best not to analyze it, but doing a great job of burying it down and not discussing it with anyone. What a shitty start to the year… disenchanting rather.
I’m headed back to Florida this afternoon, and I’ve been more excited to leave California than I have in a long time. Yes, that’s right I look more forward to everyday PT beatdowns at early hours and cold weather, putting up with inefficient Army privates and junior officers, harboiled eggs, and boredom.
I’ve always known this, but when it comes from being away from everything and traveling all the time, I feel more comfortable and relaxed with myself. When I’m stagnant back home, just going to work and whatever else, I just don’t feel okay. I’m already waiting for Steven to call from New York and say come on out… I’d like to say I already have the bag packed, but I’m actually not that ahead of the game yet. Granted Steven left like two days ago, but it never hurts to be prepared. I gotta get out of here.
Above all (and yes I’m going back to the major topic) I’m really upset on how someone could go from just as excited to start things over after so much fun in Bahrain, to not even giving me a phone call to talk to me. This is the same person who would call me 4 times in a row because of a bad connection with an international calling card! Do you know how annoying it is to dial all those numbers over and over? What the fuck happened? I hate when women fuck with my head, my over active brain, and how negative this is making me.
Filed under: Life | Tags: Dive school, KM37, NDSTC, Patagonia, Pizza Port, San Diego, The Krakenn, wetsuit
by Love off the High Fidelity soundtrack is the song for this blog.
Ughh I don’t feel like a blog. I feel like the blues folks.
I’m back home and things feel beyond odd, and I’m not entirely certain why. As if for some reason I’m having more difficulty transitioning into California now than the States when I got back from Bahrain kind of strange. I feel awkward, out of place… mainly out of place, and I’m not sure why.
I really really miss summer. I miss the sun and if I can be honest… I fucking sucks to come home to dismal, shitty, cold, grey weather.
Ryan and I (a friend I’m at dive school with) had a moto ride from La Mesa to Encinitas today. The ride was really chilly and while the waves were looking as fine as a 6′0″ brunette with an onion for an ass (make a man wanna cry) who can drink whiskey like I imagine Lee Marvin can. After two drinks at The Krakenn we headed over the the Patagonia store in Cardiff so I could buy a wetsuit to get some much need surf time in on my leave, tried on said wetsuit and nearly yelled aloud how amazingly comfortable it was. We decided that we were pretty hungry and stopped by Pizza Port in Solana Beach, split a pitcher, shook hands and parted ways.
I think that’s what feels so odd being back home… I feel like I shouldn’t be back here unless that dive qualification is taken care of and done. A celebration of my return as a diver is premature, I want the pin and then to come back. I would have much preferred going to North Carolina or Arizona… wherever Patricia was going to be. We wont get into how odd and complicated our relations are going right now. Suffice it to say that all the things I like about her are wonderful and all, but there are a few things that make me (in this order) frown, laugh, and realize that it’s my typical behavior… and that I probably deserve this… and have had it coming for a long time. I miss her dearly.
On the topic of women my good friend Ashley is back in Washington. For those of you who don’t know, we dated on and off for about 3 years on and off while I was in Washington. I volunteered to go to the middle east and her to Africa… and so it was. That and numerous differences, we parted ways, but that’s just a story filler. She’s back and it’s great to have somebody to talk to. I haven’t confided much of anything in anyone in the last few years, but with her, and wether it’s Patricia or anybody looking upon this with a skeptical face… blah. It’s good to have someone to talk to.
Dive school is going well, I’ve overcome every single physical and academic hurdle managing to keep about a high 80 average on all my tests. I start up school after the break on Jan 3rd, and graduate on March 10th… a deep sea diver… hooyah.
Comms checks on the KM37 hardhat
Regional dive locker west Coasties!
Filed under: Life | Tags: Diving, NDSTC, SCUBA, second class dive school, US Coast Guard
Dive school is going by a lot quicker than I ever expected it to, almost too easy as far as dealing with time away from home. Of course difficult situations are always easier to deal with when you have friends from your home unit in your class, you’re not in the middle of nowhere like most Coast Guard bases, and most importantly… not in Bahrain or floating in the Persian Gulf. While dive school hasn’t been difficult for my physically so much, it has been mentally. Having to deal with my knee injury, not always running with the class is upsetting to me, feeling like I’m the gimp (in a non-sexual Pulp Fiction way of thinking please). Dealing with not being as good at diving as I’d expect is a huge blow to my ego. Now I know I’m a complete novice, and have never dove in my life, but it’s difficult for me to accept that I’m not at least halfway decent at something. The diving in fast paced, you’re usually getting yelled at to go faster, and more often than not paired up with a junior officer who isn’t the greatest at diving either because we’re all new at this. This problem of setting my personal expectations higher than I can reach has been a burden I’ve carried throughout my entire life, I’m my own worst critic. Not to go on about it, but I’m trying to put everything in context, I know I’m new at this, and I know I’ll get a lot better.
130 foot chamber dive
We have our open ocean SCUBA dives next week, deep sea as they say and I’m really excited for that. The biggest thing that looms over the class is the advanced physics test which will happen right before Christmas break. From there we get in to hard hat diving, which is a really exciting thing for me personally.
Speaking of Christmas, I will be home from the 19th of December to the 3rd of January in San Diego, and Chino for the holiday.
I’m currently in Mobile, Alabama on a four day weekend for Thanksgiving. Once again my friend Dallas has offered up his hospitality, for which I’m very grateful.
It feels like I have an infinite more to write about, but can’t seem to pin point where to start. Seeing that today is Thanksgiving, here’s my list of what I’m grateful for.
1. All the support and kind words from my friends and family in regards to getting through dive school from my initial choice to pursue this job up until now.
2. Servicemen and women working today all over the world, thank you for standing the watch.
3. A sunny albeit cold Alabama day
4. ‘Heat’ on Blu-ray
5. Turkey, stuffing, pie, and beer, my favorite Thanksgiving consumables for being so delicious
6. The simple, yet taken for grated ability to call my friends to talk to them
7. Having a job that I enjoy most of the time, keeps me traveling, meeting exciting new people, and produces one hell of a photo album.
8. Having the skills and money to be able to afford and enjoy my two favorite activities… surfing and motorcycle riding.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: dive school. ITB strain, Florida, Panama City, the stick
I apologize for the lack of blogging… it’s been a bit saturated the last three weeks. I’ve made it that far in dive school and only managed to suffer an ITB strain which does not feel good by the way. So with the help of my friends and their advice, The Stick, your average ice pack, and Tiger Balm, I’m feeling like I can actually manage a short run… or fin.
I’ve been passing all my tests with a 93% or above (granted we’ve only had two) but they are all very lengthy and in depth. I’ve also been sitting out as far as PT goes the last 8 days or so due to my knee. The second time I attempted my bay swim (a 1,000 yards in alligator bayou as they call it) I smoked the 22 min time limit in 19 mins and 48 seconds. So I’ve passed all there is to pass so far until… ENTER POOL WEEK! Yes folks. the most dreaded time of dive school aside from advanced physics! We had day one this last Friday and we were all breathing compressed gas the deepest depth of… TWELVE FEET HOOYAH! So we did that whole thing practicing pulling our tanks over our head, cutting off our air, rising to the service exhaling so as not to burst our lungs, diving back down, fixing our gear and all that. It’s pretty damn exciting, this is what I’ve always wanted. Next week we get into “hits” which range from getting physically rocked to your air getting secured, mask ripped off, regulator taken away and tied into a knot, spun a few times, and then as you hold your breath, solving all those issues. Needless to say it’s going to be interesting. I’m waiting for more people to quit, I’m kind of disappointed more haven’t, we’ve only lost three.
Time off from all the crazy and yelling is as good as solid gold. Ryan and I drove nearly 50 miles today to some place south of Panama City to a reseraunt/bar for margaritas and beer. After successfully negotiating that place we drove back and found Pappy’s which was a great place with 21 beers on tap… thankfully not all domestic shit beer. We spent a good amount of time there, picked up our Army friend Will and played a game of putt putt which Ryan ended up winning. The rest is history…
Nothing else very new to report besides the fact that I miss the hell outta you know who.
Filed under: Life | Tags: 2c, 2nd class diver, California, Church, Coast Guard, Dive school, magic fish, NDSTC, surfing, USCG, Walden
I’m finding that as dive school draws nearer that my temper and anxiety level continues to grow. I do this sometimes. Somethings just happen to get on my mind that are a very big deal to me and I start acting weird, I drive myself crazy sometimes. I’m nervous for change, already sick of getting yelled at and getting the crap beat out of my physically. I want school to be over as soon as it can, for no other reason to be qualified and finally pull some weight around where I work. I’ve said it again and again that it’s so hard to transition for aaaaa whole lot of responsibility in Bahrain as a Gunnersmate running my own shop and being one of the senior boarding officers onboard…. my plate was full and I loved it. I like being busy, I like being productive, and I despise sitting still in any capacity. Get my ass to Florida, away from my “work” where I continue to prove useless on a daily basis, get my qualified, and get me on every single deployment to Seattle, San Fran, Hawaii, Alaska, aaaaaanywhere, I’m in. 11 days and I’ll have a packed truck on my way to Florida for 4 months.
I haven’t spoken to Patricia in what seems like a long time, which a long time for me when it comes to ladies =’s about 3 to 4 weeks.
I bought myself a Walden “fish” 6′4″ surfboard the other day with the desire to move faster down a wave, be more manuverable, and eventually advance into. Advance into it I will, I took it out yesterday with my friend D. Boles and got my ass and ego handed to me. I feel pretty comfortable with my longboard skill set, as in I can ride knee to waist highs pretty well, but the shorter and lighter board is a tooootally different beast. So I have a lot to work into, but the fish is coming with me to dive school to surf some frigid cold, windy, and choppy Gulf surf when it kicks up on rare occasion.
I’ve gotten in contact with a friend that I met through my dad. I camped with John DLC since I was a kid, and he’s always been a really great guy that I’ve looked up to. In fact in 2003 I had the option on my plate to get a job at the Big Grand Hotel and work as a valet, where I’ve been told that they basically live off tips. I was all about parking rich people’s nice cars, working for Disney, and making that money. John DLC offered to hold me up in Long Beach and surf with him all summer, which of course sounded extremely appetizing. As some of you may or may not know, that fell through, and by some crazy occurence I ended up in the U.S. Coast Guard, and now 6ish years later, I’m surfing. It’s quite great to get back in contact with him now that I surf and we talk about this and that, and me attempting to get him to head with the gang on Saturday to Church’s.
The only thing that makes me sad about leaving California is the surfing experience during the winter season, and that’s really it. I can’t wait to get to Florida and get this thing started, bring it on, I’m just tired of all this waiting crap. I can’t wait for December when I get to see Patricia in either Arizona or North Carolina… whichever parent she decides to spend the holidays with. I can’t wait to plan an amazing post dive school trip. I’m very excited to take Patricia out surfing for the first time when we’re both back in California. I can’t wait for the feeling when I get that second class diver MKV hardhat pin stuck on my dress uniform, get back to SD and do work!
Filed under: Life | Tags: lovefool, motorcycle, persian gulf, surfing, the cardigans
I’m proud to say that all the things I said when I was floating on a 110 foot white hunk of crap in the Persian Gulf (with amazingly well maintained weapons) I have lived up to. I told myself that I’d buy a motorcycle and ride with my Dad all around California. Well I’ve completed my drivers course (see last blog) and just today he rode back halfway with me through Cleveland National Forest which was a great ride and very fun to ride with a guy I really admire. There will certainly be trips when I get back from dive school. I said that I’d learn how to surf, and well I’ve not only done that, but I’m completely enthralled in the whole thing. I smile every time I have my board slung under my arm and the ocean wraps itself around my feet, I only smile more when I manage to be granted a nice little ride from mother nature. It sounds cheesy to those who have never surfed, but I assure you it’s changed my life. In fact I take that back, I assure no one nuthin’ about that. I’m keeping that feeling for me, I certainly do not have to prove to anybody how sacred surfing is to me.
I said I’d spend time with my family and I’m doing that more than I have in the last 6 years, which is also good. As my Mom said this weekend, “It’s so nice to have you come down and just talk.” and I agree! A pretty damn good start at reinvention I’d say. By doing all of the above my life has become so entirely simplistic and joyful. I’m completely happy with surfing and not being understood by my friends on how great it makes me feel. I’m content with being a self proclaimed bore and nerd, I’ve accepted myself for the most part at the age of twenty six… it feels good. I can only hope the transition of being with Patricia when she gets back stateside goes well and that things work out as well as I can imagine, where she too is just as satisfied as I am living simply, being spontaneous, simple pleasures, earning a beach tan from surfing at least every weekend, and not letting anything keep us from being down, bored, or upset.
Overlooking Lake Elsinore
